Home For the Holidays?

Breakfast With Bubbie

Written by Robin “Bubbie” Montgomery

Riverside County News Source

Dear Bubbie,

My husband and I have been married for three years now.  Our relationship is wonderful and we both love our in-laws.  I have one small problem though. As we get closer to the holidays, my anxiety starts to flare.

It’s all the rushing from one house to the other, making sure we haven’t forgotten anything, making sure we spend enough time with both of our families, especially now that we have an infant.

We’ve talked about rotating holidays with the families, but both our moms would be heart broken especially with our baby being the first grand-child on both sides.  We just don’t know what to do.

Thank you,

Harrowing Holidays in Hemet

Dear Harrowing,

Congratulations on your marriage and your new baby. This situation may be a little easier than you might think. What you and your husband fail to see in your situation is your in-laws were once newlyweds and new parents, too.  You can explain how you are feeling. While it may ruffle a few feathers slightly, they really understand where you are coming from better than you might think.

Better yet, ask if you can host holiday meals at your house if your living space allows.  Explain that it make things so much easier on the baby not to have to be away from home for so long. BUT, make sure you explain you will need both of your mother-in-laws help between cooking, setting the tables and of course helping with the grand-baby.

Now, there are families that simply can’t/won’t change from family tradition. And unfortunately that is going to have to come down to your preference AND whether or not this is worth the drama you will inevitably have to deal with.

Personally, it was a difficult road to travel at holidays. Both my husband and I have large families with wonderful traditions that thankfully, to us, were worth the “hassle” of the holiday.  Our children were blessed enough to have great-grandparents for most of their young lives.  Since then, they have lost all four great-grandparents, two grandfathers and one grandmother. Our children still talk about holidays with them. They have all sorts “Do you remember when?” stories. They always smile when they talk about the holidays.

I will add one caveat, if you have elderly grandparents or parents, always go to them. I say this from the deepest part of my heart. You never know when your last holiday is going to be with your loved ones. Cherish this time. Take tons of pictures. Take the “generations pictures.” They may be all you have later. You don’t want to regret not having those moments.

If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.