Saturday, January 30, 2016

Treasured Memories


Breakfast With Bubbie
Written by Robin "Bubbie" Montgomery



In our home, we watch a lot of documentaries. Even when our children were little we would have them watch National Geographic, the Discovery Channel, the History Channel and any other learning channel we thought they could benefit from.
One Sunday, our children, who were between the ages of 4-10, were watching some documentary or another about treasure hunting. There were deep-sea divers, Civil War hunters, buried pirate gold and lost treasures of every kind. Our kids were so excited! They wanted to go on a treasure hunt so bad! They were hooked. After that, they started watching one treasure hunting documentary after another.
Trevor and I wanted to fulfill their dreams of hunting for treasure so we started by drawing up "treasure maps" for our backyard and an empty field near our home, complete with an "X" to search for and all. But there is only so much buried treasure you can hunt for in your own back yard and real treasure hunting can be very expensive. With a family our size...well it was just out of the question.
So Trevor and I started brainstorming ideas about how we could possibly take the kids on a real treasure hunt without breaking the bank.
One night, the kids watched a show about Indian artifacts found in the United States. The researchers had uncovered arrow heads, leather moccasins, maze stones and much more. The kids got so excited. Knowing we lived in an area originally inhabited by the LuiseƱo Indians, our oldest daughter exclaimed, "We can hunt for treasure right here!"
With that realization, the light bulb went off. We knew how we could take kids treasure hunting. So the plotting began.
Before Trevor's next day off, he went to an Indian trading store that used to be located in our town and he bought some treasures. He bought arrow heads, hand-crafted leather bracelets, leather hair ties, leather satchels and beaded jewelry. He didn't spend much, only about $25, but we knew it was more than enough to take the kids on an adventure they would never forget.
That night, we told the kids we were going treasure hunting the next day. The kids were so excited they could barely sleep. All they could talk about was hunting for treasure. The next morning, you could feel their excitement. They could barely contain their enthusiasm and the whole morning we listened to never-ending chatter about our upcoming excursion.
That afternoon, we took the kids to a dry creek bed not far from our home and let them loose, telling them to start looking. You would have thought it was the beginning of the Indy 500, the way those kids took off in their quest. They searched through the brush and sand, turning over every rock they could find.
After about 30 minutes of fruitless searching, the kids started to get bored and began complaining about the hot weather. We encouraged them to keep searching; to not give up so easily. We encouraging them to keep looking. We told them that to succeed in their hunt they had to be diligent and that success takes hard work and effort and we sent them back out.
About ten minutes later, we could tell the kid's enthusiasm was wearing down and we knew it was time to set our real plan into motion.
As the kids wearily searched on, Trevor and I were directing them where to look next. Little did they know, as they were searching, we began dropping "treasures" from our pockets right next to them. Jonathan, our oldest son, was the first to find one of the treasures.
Oh my goodness, when he found that first arrowhead the shouting and excitement was unbelievable. You would have thought he had found the Mona Lisa! All of the other children crowded around him, clamoring to touch and hold the "ancient artifact." After that first arrowhead was found the kid's enthusiasm skyrocketed.
One of the children was really disappointed he had not found the arrowhead. We assured him and the others that if Jonathan had found success as a treasure hunter, they could all find success as well.
Suddenly all the children wanted to go back to treasure hunting and they all renewed their search. As they hunted with more excitement than ever, we continued surreptitiously dropping treasures for them to discover. By the end of the hunt, each of the kids had found a few ancient treasures. Those crazy kids even managed to find a real, sun-bleached coyote skull. (Trevor let them bring it home...ewww!)
It wasn't until many years later that we finally told the kids our little secret about their successful treasure hunt from that day. The children were so shocked! They had grown up believing they were accomplished treasure hunters and that afternoon fueled countless days and years of continued treasure hunting and a life-long interest in history and learning.
To this day, the kids still talk about that treasure hunt, even though they now know what really happened and our long-kept secret. Now, they even talk about doing the same thing with their own children. We are already waiting for our eight grand children to be old enough to get them hooked!
One thing for is for sure, the kids were so happy that day! They have enjoyed sharing stories of that adventure for years now and we all have a treasured memory we will never forget!

Monday, December 7, 2015

Bored in Beaumont




Breakfast with Bubbie
Written by
Robin “Bubbie” Montgomery



Dear Bubbie,

I have been retired for over two years now. My wife is due to retire in 8 months. When she finally retires we plan on traveling and I’m very anxious for her retirement to get here.

I have gotten in a daily routine of cleaning up the house and yards. I get my honey-do-list done, usually, by the end of the day.

I can’t wait for my wife to get home at the end of the day just so I have someone to talk to.

I have to tell you I’m going crazy with nothing to do. I’ve even considered getting a part time job just to give me something to do. But I don’t want to get a job just to turn around and quit in 8 months.

Can you give me any ideas to keep me busy and sane?

Thank you,
Bored in Beaumont


Dear Bored,

Have you considered volunteering? There are so many organizations that are desperate for volunteers.

Figure out what your passion is whether that be working with children, veterans, the homeless, the disabled, hospitals, or even law enforcement.

This way you are busy, interacting with people and helping people that need you.

Here are some links that may help:





If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.





  

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Family Refuses to Accept Foster/Adopted Children as "Real Family."


Breakfast With Bubbie
Written by Robin "Bubbie" Montgomery


Dear Bubbie,

My wife and I have been married for three years now. Two years ago we found out we are unable to conceive children. After the shock wore off, we discussed at length all of our options on how to become parents. We decided we could make a huge difference in a child's life by becoming foster parents.

We got our first foster placement 14 months ago. She is a beautiful little 2 year old and her biological mother is due any time with another baby. Social services has already asked us if we would be interested in fostering the new baby because the biological mother is incarcerated and will be for a very lengthy time. The county has already begun the process of terminating parental rights for our daughter. The biological mother has said she will sign away her parental rights on the baby because she wants the children to be together. Of course we jumped at the opportunity.

Our social worker has already talked to us about possibility of adopting our daughter and her sibling. We are overjoyed at the thought of them being ours forever. Hopefully, this time next year they will legally be ours, because they are already ours in our hearts.

Here's my issue. My wife's family has completely accepted our foster daughter as part of the family. My family, on the other hand, doesn't accept her. They don't give her Christmas gifts, nor birthday gifts. Not once have they offered to watch her or spend time with her. 

We're afraid to talk to our social worker about this for fear it could interfere with or stop the adoption all together.

I have talked to my parents and my siblings about how I feel.  I have told them we are adopting her and her sibling. The only answer I ever get is "She isn't really our family."

She is "really" our daughter and the baby is "really" ours already. I don't want my children feeling they aren't part of my family or feeling different from their cousins that my parents dote on. How do I address this? I want them to be a part of my family but I won't let them hurt them like this. 

Adoption Angst in Anza


Dear Adoption Angst,

Congratulations on your growing family! What a gift you are giving to those beautiful babies! And what a miraculous gift you have been given! 

Fostering is an amazing way to show children what family is truly about, even if only temporarily. As former foster parents for thirteen years,  my husband and I helped raise nearly sixty children in addition to our own.  We legally adopted three children and several more have "come home "after aging out of the foster care system.  

We didn't have the same challenges you are facing, however we did have a family member that had a very obvious favorite. We also had family members that didn't believe we should be foster parents at all and should focus only on "our children." 

Another issue we had was family explaining that our adoptive children, "weren't ours biologically," to complete strangers, trying to explain the size of our family.

We had to talk to our families. We told them never to say they weren't ours or "these three are adopted." It only served to confuse and seperate our children into two sets; three biological and three adopted. 

My best advice is not to let this problem and frustration fester. Talk to your family. Tell them how their actions make you feel. Explain to them how and why their actions are detrimental, not only to your potential adoptive children, but to your entire family as well. 

If, after you have explained how you feel, your family still chooses to not accept your foster/adoptive children, that is their loss. Your number one job at this point is to raise your children to the best of your abilities and to provide for them and protect them as much as you possibly can, even if that means protecting them from your family.

If things don't change, you may have to make a hard decision as to whether or not you will allow this kind of abuse to continue. It is abuse, in my opinion.  These children had no choice in the circumstances of their birth. They are not responsible for the poor choices their bilogical parents made. Your children should not have to suffer rejection and obvious bias at the hands of your, "real family."

There may come a time when you may simply have to stop visiting your family, if they can not treat your children as equals. You need to tell your family exactly why you won't visit them and why they can no longer visit you. At that point, your family will have to make a decision as to whether or not they will change their ways and accept your children, or continue on without you in their lives.

Not all blood is family and not all family is blood.

Enjoy your beautiful family and all the joy they will bring you!  




If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.




Friday, November 13, 2015

Can You Hear Me Now?


Breakfast With Bubbie
Written By Robin "Bubbie" Montgomery


Dear Bubbie,

I am a senior in high school and recently turned 18.  I have a weekend job and pay for my own cell phone.  My problem is my mom is trying to tell me that I have a curfew and if my grades "don't improve" she's going to take my cell phone from me.

I pay for my cell phone, not my mom. I am an adult and I don't think she has the right to give me a curfew or take MY phone. I've tried talking to her about it, but she keeps saying if I don't like it I can leave. How can a mother tell her child I can leave if I don't like it? I would NEVER do that to my child. 

Ticked in Temecula


Dear Ticked,

Congratulations on your senior year and your job. You are making responsible choices that are invaluable in adulthood. Part of those choices need to be focusing on your grades, especially if you want to continue on to college.

Should your mom be able to take away your cell phone? Probably not, since you pay for it. However, you are living under your mother's roof and you need to abide by her rules. If you are going to be late for curfew, it is common courtesy to call with an explanation. You have no idea how we parents worry. A simple phone call can solve a lot of problems before they start. 

As parents, we are not perfect. In fact, we are learning how to deal with new problems every day just like you are. Has your mom had to deal with an 18 year old, young adult before? It's totally different from dealing with a 12 year old. You are both learning and growing every day, so try giving each other a break.  



If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.





Can you hear me now?


Breakfast With Bubbie
Written By Robin "Bubbie" Montgomery


Dear Bubbie,

I am a senior in high school and recently turned 18.  I have a weekend job and pay for my own cell phone.  My problem is my mom is trying to tell me that I have a curfew and if my grades "don't improve" she's going to take my cell phone from me.

I pay for my cell phone, not my mom. I am an adult and I don't think she has the right to give me a curfew or take MY phone. I've tried talking to her about it, but she keeps saying if I don't like it I can leave. How can a mother tell her child I can leave if I don't like it? I would NEVER do that to my child. 

Ticked in Temecula


Dear Ticked,

Congratulations on your senior year and your job. You are making responsible choices that are invaluable in adulthood. Part of those choices need to be focusing on your grades, especially if you want to continue on to college.

Should your mom be able to take away your cell phone? Probably not, since you pay for it. However, you are living under your mother's roof and you need to abide by her rules. If you are going to be late for curfew, it is common courtesy to call with an explanation. You have no idea how we parents worry. A simple phone call can solve a lot of problems before they start. 

As parents, we are not perfect. In fact, we are learning how to deal with new problems every day just like you are. Has your mom had to deal with an 18 year old, young adult before? It's totally different from dealing with a 12 year old. You are both learning and growing every day, so try giving each other a break.  



If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.






Saturday, November 7, 2015

Home For the Holidays?


Breakfast With Bubbie
Written by Robin “Bubbie” Montgomery


Dear Bubbie,

My husband and I have been married for three years now.  Our relationship is wonderful and we both love our in-laws.  I have one small problem though. As we get closer to the holidays, my anxiety starts to flare.

It’s all the rushing from one house to the other, making sure we haven’t forgotten anything, making sure we spend enough time with both of our families, especially now that we have an infant.

We’ve talked about rotating holidays with the families, but both our moms would be heart broken especially with our baby being the first grand-child on both sides.  We just don’t know what to do.

Thank you,
Harrowing Holidays in Hemet



Dear Harrowing,

Congratulations on your marriage and your new baby. This situation may be a little easier than you might think. What you and your husband fail to see in your situation is your in-laws were once newlyweds and new parents, too.  You can explain how you are feeling. While it may ruffle a few feathers slightly, they really understand where you are coming from better than you might think.

Better yet, ask if you can host holiday meals at your house if your living space allows.  Explain that it make things so much easier on the baby not to have to be away from home for so long. BUT, make sure you explain you will need both of your mother-in-laws help between cooking, setting the tables and of course helping with the grand-baby.

Now, there are families that simply can’t/won’t change from family tradition. And unfortunately that is going to have to come down to your preference AND whether or not this is worth the drama you will inevitably have to deal with.

Personally, it was a difficult road to travel at holidays. Both my husband and I have large families with wonderful traditions that thankfully, to us, were worth the “hassle” of the holiday.  Our children were blessed enough to have great-grandparents for most of their young lives.  Since then, they have lost all four great-grandparents, two grandfathers and one grandmother. Our children still talk about holidays with them. They have all sorts “Do you remember when?” stories. They always smile when they talk about the holidays.


I will add one caveat, if you have elderly grandparents or parents, always go to them. I say this from the deepest part of my heart. You never know when your last holiday is going to be with your loved ones. Cherish this time. Take tons of pictures. Take the “generations pictures.” They may be all you have later. You don’t want to regret not having those moments.



If you have any questions you'd like answered or would like a little advice please contact me at bubbie.rcns@gmail.com or on my Facebook page.


Wednesday, November 4, 2015





We at Riverside County New Source want to salute all of military, past, present and future, for their service, dedication and sacrifice. We also want to thank the families of our military personnel for your support, love and tears. God Bless You All!